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Self help - Who Needs It? In the book stores there are literally hundreds of titles on Self-Help. All promising a better life and how to be happy. Promising everything from inner contentment to outer fulfillment. Subjects such as Imagine your way to wealth; Improve your sex life and Live the life you know you deserve. You don't need me to tell you how many books are out there, bookshelves are filled to overflowing and there seems to be a new title every other day promising everything you've ever wanted. If you read and follow the wisdom of the author (that is) all for the one low price! How many have you read over the past few years? And has your life really changed? Are you living the life you know you deserve, are you happy, do you have abundant wealth? I think not. You may even have attended a 'free' seminar that ended up costing you hundreds, even thousands of dollars, only to find in a few weeks that you're back to square one, only poorer! You've listened to the so-called gurus, the prophets of enlightenment. You've punched your arm in the air and shouted: " I'm happy." You've looked at your neighbours and smiled your biggest smile only to feel a little foolish in doing so. You've been told to live in the moment, if only you could find it! You've been re-born, re-aligned, refreshed, re-vitalised. Buffed, puffed and polished, only to find in a couple of months you need another 'fix' and off you go looking for the next enlightened one! Who was it that said; "there's one born every minute?" With the world becoming more and more a global village, with more and more people working longer hours (running faster just to stand still) with communications taking us in the direction of talking on your mobile phone to the person sitting next to you, no wonder we think we need help to find ourselves! Or do we? Human beings are a lazy lot when it comes to doing anything for themselves. It's not about self-help it's about becoming more AWARE. Aware of the world around you, aware that you are a part of not apart from the entire universe.
Like it or not, from the moment we're born until the day we die, life is a process. It's neither good nor bad, healthy or unhealthy, happy or sad, it just IS. You've probably been told an unhappy childhood leads to a frustrating adulthood, your mother never breast fed you so you feel unloved, you're father never cuddled you so you have difficulty in relationships. When the work you do doesn't satisfy your 'inner needs' what do you do? Probably grin and bear it until your next pay cheque! When you think your partner doesn't understand you, what do you do? Probably sulk! You've learned all the new phrases like: 'let's dialogue', 'let's interface.' Talk with, not at your 'significant other.' You've probably been made to feel guilty screaming at the kids and been told enter 'meaningful negotiation.' And where does it all lead? All the way to therapy, and where does that lead you? More money going towards someone's overseas holiday. I'm sorry, the only way to live your life to the fullest is to understand that it's a process and like it or not, all of the above (and more) are part and parcel of that process. Sure, it would be nice to be more 'spiritual' (if you knew what it meant). To be able to give and receive 'unconditional love' (if only it were that easy). To be happy and content with your lot in life (but we never are). To visualise wealth and abundance (if only the mortgage weren't due tomorrow). It would be nice to sit and meditate for one hour every day (if only the phone would stop ringing). I'll bet you've tried them all and found, after a week or two (maybe even less) that it's all just too much of an effort. Like going on a diet, the first couple of days are easy but after a while the 'chocolate covered doughnut' becomes more and more a satisfying option! There's probably no one solution to all of this but I'm going to offer you some food for thought . The road to success (whatever this means to you) is in the timing. If you can understand time you will come to understand success. There's an old adage " when you are ready, the master is waiting." Any time spent in becoming more aware that life just is, will be time well spent. You don't have to go anywhere; you don't need a guru or goblin, therapist or analyst to guide you, all you need do is become more aware. Aware of what I hear you ask? To become more aware of your place in the world and your place in the scheme of things, to be content with your lot in life. Once you find this magical space magical things start to happen. Believe me, it's not about suffering your lot in life, it's not about becoming apathetic, it's not about resigning yourself 'fate.' It's about enjoying the fact you are alive (you just IS). You don't believe me? Well just think of the alternative! Okay, all I ask is that you read what I have to say below about the process of reaching a certain age and if you find what I have to say applies to your life at this time you have something to build upon. If, on the other hand, what you read makes no sense whatsoever, count your blessings.
If you're between the ages 49-56 what you're likely to be going through at this time in your life is 'aloneness.' That's right, you're probably discovering the friends you thought were your friends are not all they're cracked up to be. You're probably spending more and more time on your own now than you've ever spent in your entire life. Even if you have a busy social life, it'll prove 'lacking' in something. There'll be night after night when all the company you have is yourself, the phone won't be ringing (in fact, you've probably picked up the receiver a few times to see if you are still connected!). You'll be imagining that everyone is having a good time and you're missing out! Your libido is shifting, flagging (or, becoming more demanding) as a result of your 'isolation.' If, on the other hand you're aware of this process of necessary withdrawal and are comfortable with it you'll probably find your friends accusing you of becoming socially maladjusted. Telling you this is a bad sign, warning you of the dangers of spending too much time on your own and for your own good you should get out more. Don't let them pressure you, for all of the above is necessary for you at this time in your life. This is a time to straighten yourself out, to re-evaluate your priorities, to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. Don't get me wrong, it won't take the whole seven years (between 47-54) but unless you find the time to retreat into yourself during this phase all you'll find is the 'universe' forcing you anyhow! And the 'universe' knows more about you than you know about yourself for you are a part of her not apart from her! It's time to discover the YOU inside, not what the masses expect from you. We often call this phase the mid-life crisis and it's probably true. But Numerologists and Astrologers have been calculating these years for a long, long time and can advise their clients when the exact weeks, months, even years arise so that they can prepare (time) themselves and not go out of their minds wondering why everything has suddenly 'hit the fan.' So, what kind of therapy would suit you at this time? It all depends on you but the bottom line is, if you can't be happy in yourself who can you be happy with? Think about it.
Let's look at another age bracket. If you are between the ages 42-49 this period is all about relationships. You don't need to tell me that the kids have probably grown up, gravity has started to get a grip and the light in the love of your life is starting to blink on and off! During this phase it's time to take stock of your personal self-esteem, to think about YOU in terms of appearance. There's no point in kidding yourself that you're 39 and counting, for the years unfold faster and faster during this phase as the clock ticks over with relentless speed. And if you don't like yourself at this time no one else is likely to either! It's time to take a stand for the person you are (not the person you are supposed to be). The kids will probably start calling you by your Christian name instead of Mum or Dad. You'll probably find that your partner is looking just a little jaded or, you'll be asking the question: "is this all there is?" Think about it: When we choose a partner we often make that choice not for the person he or she really is but as being a reflection of what's missing within ourselves or, we choose someone whom we want to reform! Our 'other half' can be a mirror of the good within ourselves or, a reflection of something 'unlived.' Think about it, your partner actually mirrors you! No wonder relationship's cause the greatest heartache on earth for the day comes, sooner or later, when we see our 'other half' for the good or bad they are. And it usually comes about between 42-49. So, during this phase the best kind of 'therapy' would be where you can get out and meet people on the same wave-length as yourself. To expand your social circle, to take on a course or join a class that you've always wanted to do but never had the time. It's time to discover YOU. Refresh your wardrobe, beginning with your shoes and work you way up from there. Or, if you've got more than you really need give to your favourite charity. Remembering, the best relationship we can ever have is the relationship with ourselves. If you look and feel good about yourself at this time everyone else can 'eat they're heart out.'
Let's look at another age, 35-42. This should be the 'prime' of your life for it's all about accomplishment. What you achieve now should be what you've been working towards most of your life. You no longer have to answer to anyone, mother or father, brother or sister, aunt or uncle and if you do then you need therapy! NOW. This is the true phase of independence, in fact, the 33rd birthday is one of the major turning points in anyone's life. Look forward to it or, look back upon it and find out what momentous occurrence took place. They say life begins at 40 but Numerologists and Astrologers will tell you it begins at 33. If you find yourself having to begin life over again say, as a result of a divorce or, a job retrenchment, even the death of a parent, you have a better chance of surviving it during this phase than any other. It's during these years you can explore and experiment, do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Are you living in the moment or, are you still trying to be what others expect you to be? Individuality rears its head during these years and for some it brings out the best, for others it brings out the worst! No matter, if you can accept, adapt and adjust, give and receive, to go with the flow, then these years are the most memorable for you will truly find yourself but if you don't ,read what I've said above about the years 42-49.
Between 28-35 is perhaps the most significant of all for this phase is all about body and soul coming together. Astrologers will tell you that between the ages 28 and 30 are what is called your first Saturn Return. A time of maturity, a time of realisation, to reflect upon your childhood and look forward to adulthood. Funnily enough, most books purchased on self help are usually bought by those going through this phase! As though they are still looking to be 'protected' or 'guided,' to be given assurance that all you need do is contact some inner angel or inner spirit and everything will be all right. To subscribe to this or that course, to hear the latest words from some channeled voice and trust in whomever is 'selling' whatever as having all the answers. The one and only truth about this phase is taking responsibility for oneself. To accept that whatever you do is YOUR responsibility. Good or bad there is no one to blame for whatever happens now. Nor is there anyone who can make it any easier, no guardian angel, no lucky charm, no meditation, mantra or any other kind of quick fix solution. You cannot blame an empty childhood, a lack of education, a lack of opportunities. You cannot blame anyone or anything at this time for this is the phase of realisation. It's your life, no one gave it to you, no one can live it for you and no one can be blamed. There are no excuses. No one has the answers but YOU. The 'child' must be released and the 'adult' allowed to emerge. Numerologists will tell you that what you do or not do will come back to 'haunt you' (generally speaking about the age of 54-61, but we won't go into that here). Somewhere between the ages 26 and 33 each and every one of us (and there are NO exceptions) walks this road towards realisation that life and all that happens is our own responsibility.
Is it all getting too heavy for you? Well, let's look at the years 21-28 for it's during these years where mother nature (the universe at work) tends to rule our lives, for better or worse, that is the $60,000 question. These are the years where cupid seems to be at work (or, our hormones go into overdrive) and we 'fall in love' or fall pregnant! Marry or live with the man/woman of our (adolescent) dreams. When we start a family (voluntarily or by complete surprise). Begin a career; enter the work force with or without qualifications, when peer pressure exerts itself, when Mother Nature pushes us 'over the edge.' When we commit ourselves to a mortgage. Run up credit card accounts thinking they'll be paid one day in the future! These are the years when we can make (but not always) the biggest mistakes of our lives. When we are under so much pressure from family and friends, from society at large yet, don't have the life 'experience' to shrug them off and do what we want to do or be who we want to be. These are the ages where you will find the eternal Re-Birthers. The Born -Agains. The eternal course participants (who never really learn anything except how to pay fees). These are the years where you seek magical spells on how to attract a man or woman and once you've found him or her to seeking out the next magician to get rid of them! Personally, I wouldn't be 21-28 again for quid's, not in today's consumer guru society anyhow! (c) Thomas Muldoon The entire contents of this website is © Thomas Muldoon and provided for your enlightenment, empowerment and entertainment. |
